Ask This Asian Chick

Dear Asian Chick,

How do I hit on a chick at the gym? They always have their earbuds in and don’t hear me when I talk to them.

Thanks,

Shawn, Who Enjoys Amateur Tantric Yoga

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Dear SWEATY,

This is a common conundrum for men. How can they use the gym as their personal singles joint when the Objects of Their Interest are focused on their own lives and are wearing earbuds? View it as your challenge to earn their attention. There are many ways to ensure that chick, who is minding her own business, knows you exist and may possibly glance in your general direction and scowl at you, which is pretty much the same as offering her phone number… or, at least, her IG handle.

  1. Invade her space. Is she reaching for free weights? Reach for the same ones so your stinky, sweaty body brushes against her bare arm. While she recoils and reaches for her towel to wipe your personal excretions off her skin, wrap your hands around the weight and then offer it to her with the compromise “You first- we can swap out sets.” and wink. She’ll know what you mean, and why wouldn’t she be eager to experience pre-warmed free weights for the time it takes to swap three sets each? Which, in this instance, will feel like a very, very long time.
  2. Offer to help. Chicks dig a guy who knows what’s what and is ready to share that expertise. She’s female and the gym is still confusing to her, as evidenced by her merely adequate form on the Smith machine. You’ve seen more fit men than you use it, so you know how to help her. Pair the offer with a touch to her lower back to get her attention (those damn earbuds!) first. She’ll feel closer to you instantly because you just touched an area of her body where her perspiration collects and she is definitely turned on by knowing a stranger has her sweat on his hands now. Chicks feel sexiest when they are sweating in workout clothes.
  3. Eschew gym protocol. I know you meticulously wipe down equipment after use and don’t just lazily drag your damp towel over the pec deck seat as you wander off with nary a care, and you always follow it up with the sanitizing wipe over all the handles and every part you touched including the weight pin, but, just this once, let it go. Leave a pool of sweat on the leg press and when she stomps over to you to tell you that you are disgusting, she will TAKE OUT HER EARBUDS first and NOW IS YOUR CHANCE!

The important thing to remember is that your agenda of meeting chicks who are trying to just get their workout in before they do the million other things in the day is of paramount importance- far more important than their own agendas of just getting a fucking workout in. Don’t let these chances for breathless and awkward encounters go to waste!

xo,

This Asian Chick

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