It’s almost the first big grilling day of the 2018, and whether you call it “barbecuing” or “grilling out” or “fire meat good”, we’ve got you covered with the manliest recipe to reinforce your Alpha Male status amongst your peers. (Just kidding. We know you don’t have “peers.”)
Once you have taken down your mighty elk on your monthly foray into the deep woods with your long range rifle– (we always defer to Outdoor Life for their reviews on the best rifles for elk hunting), or if you are a Real Man™, you are using a crossbow, we like the Centerpoint Sniper 370–field dress the elk. You got a big one, we know. It’s going to take awhile.
Once divided into cuts and you have the ground elk ready- which you ground yourself with your vintage meat grinder, it’s time to start making your elk burgers.
- For average men, we estimate 6oz of ground meat per burger, but your friends are Real Men™, so estimate 8oz per burger. The seasonings below are for 4 burgers, so scale accordingly. Have your chick measure out these seasonings in the kitchen while you are in the backyard messing with the grill and cracking open your second IPA at 11:45AM. What? It’s a holiday.
- 1 lb of bacon- this is important because elk is really lean and you need to put the fat back in. Best to bake that on a sheet pan on parchment paper and sponge off excess fat- with a paper towel, not a sponge. Put that down.
- Fried onions. The SE Asian-style ones. Trust us- it’s worth a trip to Chinatown to drop $3 on a jar of these. You’ll find yourself putting these on everything now.
- Big ol’ onion rolls
- Burger fixins- whatever you like. You know what you like.
- 1/4 cup crumbled bacon
- 1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
- 1/4 cup ground fried onions- use your huge mortar and pestle that has just been sitting on the counter for the past three years. [Side note: See? I told you I needed that, babe. I was right, of course.]
- 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1 teaspoon ground paprika
- 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon dried garlic powder
- 1/4 teaspoon coriander, if you like that sort of thing
Mix thoroughly and make those patties. Yeah, just like that. Good technique you’ve got right there.
Put those babies on the grill. Your friends are going to have a lot of opinions about how hot, how long, where on the grill, etc. Tell them to shut the hell up and make those burgers medium to medium-rare. If someone gives you too much shit, serve one well-done to punish him.
Wait and collect the “These are fucking good, man!”s. It was totally worth all that work. You’re welcome, now shut up and eat.
Best paired with:
Ice cold beer, lots.
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