Ask This Asian Chick: Sex Toys

Hey Asian Chick,

My girlfriend wants to use sex toys. What’s the deal? I thought she was satisfied with me. Should I be worried?

Thanks,

Glen

Dear Glen,

First off, how lucky are you to have a sexual partner who tells you what she wants instead of just expecting you to know? Sex toys are perfectly normal, rest assured, and no reflection of whether you are satisfying your partner. Probably. When you were a kid playing with Legos you were happy with your Legos, right? Then your mom brought you a Nerf Super Soaker, which was also great, but did it make you like your Legos less, or did you realize building a Lego tower and shooting it down with your Super Soaker was even more fun? Sex toys are like that, Glen. Nothing to worry about. One cock? Great. Two cocks? Better. One of the cocks vibrates? Yes, please.

So, fear not. Sex toys do not make you redundant and, therefore, disposable, regardless of what Wonder Woman said (even if she was right literally every other time). Toys are a normal part of a healthy sex life. There are plenty that add some spice without you feeling like you’ll never live up to the King Dong (Spoiler: you won’t).  For example, can you make your tongue vibrate on her clit during intercourse? Nope. Even if you were a contortionist, you can’t, Glen.

Enter (a-hem!) the Butterfly Vibrator. The bonus of this one is that it’s pretty fun for both of you and doesn’t just do something you can also do—it does it way better than you ever could, so it really can’t be compared. Or, you can try one of the many remote control toys which you can control to remind her who’s in charge—maybe she’s at work or doing your laundry and all of a sudden, you decide to turn her on! They come (a-hem!) with apps that she can also download on her phone and run without you, so she can use it even when you are nowhere near her or when she isn’t even thinking about you at all, Glen.

The big (a-hem!) toy that is getting more rave reviews than the ubiquitous Rabbit is the Womanizer line. No, it’s not a vibrating dildo with, instead of a rabbit on top, a tiny man whose outstretched arms ineffectually probe just to the left of her clit. Instead, it has a little suction-cup part that is even available disguised as lipstick, so she can take it with her wherever she goes and, unlike you, Glen, it never needs to come up for air or changes pace or direction at the very moment she says “don’t stop! Oh, please don’t stop!” This version can even just be tucked inside her underwear and stays put, so she can be pleasured hands free—not her hands, not your hands. With the Starlet, it’s like she really doesn’t need a man at all, Glen!

Oh.

 

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