How to Tell Your Friend You Didn’t Invite His Girlfriend

Ever since Connor met Alisha they have been joined at the hip. It was okay at first- she’s pretty cool, for a girl, and she’s a good cook. But he started bringing her everywhere: to the game, to poker night (she brought that 7-layer dip thing!), on that week-long backpacking trip where you guys had planned, like, a year ago, to do mushrooms on it and then she was like “I don’t want to be here hanging out in the woods while you guys are just tripping balls” so none of you got to do it, but the real line, the line that just was too much, was when she showed up at Trent’s circumcision. He’d been waiting so long for that day, the day where he got to feel, like, a regular guy, and then, boom: Alisha was there with a bottle of rosé and these cupcakes with little sugary turtles on them like it was time to do nails or something. Those cupcakes were amazing and all, (turtle candy-flavored cupcakes– so clever!), but it wasn’t really the time. Or place. In the waiting room at the hospital.

Not cool.

Look, Connor was single for a long time. He didn’t do well at college with the chicks there because he was so into his law degree, so now that he actually has a woman and isn’t studying all the time, he probably doesn’t know how to modulate this. What can you do? Make Alisha not feel welcome? It’s not her fault, exactly, that you don’t want her at every single event. However, shouldn’t Alisha know that Brad’s bachelor party was probably not the time for her to bring a platter of empanadas (she made three kinds!) and just show up at the cabin with Connor? But you have to assume Connor told her it’s totally cool and she should for sure come with. Can’t blame her for believing him. He probably insisted.

You need an intervention. Like, poker night next Thursday, instead sit Connor down and gently explain that Alisha is, like, so great. Really fuckin’ great who clearly makes him so happy and she’s an amazing cook and she makes the best home made mac and cheese (four cheeses! With bacon!), but there are times you guys wish it was just… you guys. Because bros need bro time. Maybe he could ask ahead if Alisha can come before he tells her about it… and stop including her on group texts… and go back to using his own email instead of that shared one they have that links to their shared calendar. They’ve only been dating five months, so it seems like a little separation would not be uncalled for, here. If he could just keep the football viewing party and poker night to all guys, that would be great. But, she can still send her shrimp puffs and raspberry tartlets with him.

No reason to be cruel about this.

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