10. She insists on doing your laundry… and you live in different states.
9. Her first response, on hearing that you’re dating someone new, is: “Oh, Christ!”
8. She already knows more about your new girlfriend than you do… before meeting her.
7. Mother won’t let anyone dirty get through.
6. She still refers to you as “bubbie,” or “pumpkin,” or “muffin,” or “mister little weiner,” and you’re above the age of 12.
5. It’s always a table for two because you didn’t invite dad.
4. She picked up your antibiotics from the pharmacy for you. For your chlamydia. (Which she knew about. She warned you about that girl.)
3. She is your plus-one at weddings.
2. You share an email address (email@example.com).
1. You can’t sleep because she hogs the covers.