Ask this Asian Chick: Her GBF

Hey Asian Chick,

My girlfriend has this best friend who is a gay dude. Whatever, I’m cool with that, I guess. Every time she hangs out with him, I swear she comes home and nags me about something. I thought he liked me–he’s always buying me drinks and calling me “hunky”, so I figured we were cool. What’s the deal?

Thanks,

Guy

Dear Guy ,

Let me get this straight. Generally, things are peachy between you and your girlfriend? You get to do whatever you want and she’s cool with that. Life’s good for you. But she goes out with her Gay Best Friend™ (henceforth to be known as GBF™) and when she comes back she is pissed off at you and you wonder if he is saying anything directly against you… or just being so fabulous, perhaps, that it makes her think, “Why can’t my boyfriend, also a Penis-ed American, be as cool as my GBF™?”

Since you can’t answer me, let’s make some assumptions that I am sure are spot-on: You are a wonderful and attentive boyfriend, in all ways. Her GBF™ is super nice… to your face. And when your girlfriend goes out with her GBF™, she does so alone, just with him or a girlfriend and him. I can feel you nodding along. You’re convinced that as soon as they get in their Uber, he’s saying, “Girl, has he been in those sweatpants for two weeks? Was that a mayonnaise stain? Please tell me that was mayo. Oh my God. When is the last time he treated you like the Queen you are? Because you are a Queen, girl. A QUEEEEEEN!”

Or, maybe this is all in your head. They’re just out talking about shopping and breaking down the latest episode of Real Housewives: OC. (OMG, Lydia is such a beee-yotch! Right?!) Maybe none of this is happening and your girlfriend is just coming home and seeing your dirty socks all over the living room and realizing that you have been playing Dragon Ball Z for three days straight and you haven’t washed any dishes and you’re just objectively disgusting.

But, no, it must be her GBF™.

Yeah, he’s undermining you. You’re fucked.

 

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