Summer is here again and it can really put us in a tough position of looking cool while actually being cool. Temperature-wise, that is. Women seem to have various summer fashion du jour looks they all get the memo about ahead of time so they are on-trend as soon as it reaches 72° and sunny. What about men, though? What’s the new, fresh thing we should wear to show the world we are, in fact, paying attention to what’s going on around us? Here, then are ISJ’s Summer 2018 Fashion Trends for Men.
Let’s start, as women do, from the bottom and work our way up. Shoes are the foundation of any look, so it’s important to nail this part. Our favorites for Summer 2018 fall into two camps:
Flip Flops: This footwear tells the world a lot! 1) I’m not into effort 2) I’m frugal 3) I’m so confident in my attractive feet, I want everyone to see them. All bold statements!
Outdoor Recreation, Various: Let people know your profile reads “never stop moving. Never married, no kids” or, “married with many children and this is my most expensive pair of shoes” or, even, “I’m divorced.” Did you know shoes could say so much? Women know it. Now, so do you. Bonus points for wearing these with black socks. That just tells the world you really don’t care. About anything. At all. Including yourself.
Working our way up, why mess with a classic?
Cargo Shorts: best oversized and worn, with pockets that sag to indicate the weight of your responsibilities, and the flap won’t lie flat over them anymore, a message to the world that you do, indeed, know how to do laundry. Don’t let anyone tell you these shorts need to be retired. They’ll change their tune when you can sneak a 6-pack into a movie, or carry a 24-piece tool set and save their ass when you replace their broken timing belt.
Vintage T-shirts: Even if they weren’t vintage when you bought them, they’ve been through the wringer like your own beloved Golden Boy and now qualify as such. A great way to let people know your favorite beer brand, tourist destination, band that isn’t together anymore, a music venue that only a few people know is awesome, or cool-again toy you played with as a kid, vintage t-shirts are timeless. What else can say “2018” and “1983” at the same time? Not much.
Baseball Caps: Why put on sunscreen when you have a baseball cap? You’re too busy to mess with your hair, anyway, let alone worry about sun damage. Thankfully, for Summer 2018, baseball caps are back and the more worn, the better. Run it through the dishwasher a few times to get that beloved look that says “my dad gave me this cap that one summer he took me to a baseball game right before we went to get a pack of smokes and never came back.” Women love that kind of sappy shit. Two birds! But God help you if you wear it backwards. The judgment you receive will be well earned. You have been warned.
Don’t let the trends of Summer 2018* pass you by! Grab them now, work them into your rotation and you’ll get attention at the barbecue for all the right reasons. (The way those shorts highlight your calves which you never seem to get to at the gym, and the flip flops display your weirdly thick ankles.)
Now get out there and shine like the sun, you big slob, you.
*Exchange “2018” for any year until they bring us jet packs.